3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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