left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My vagina is officially offended.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
