This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
