I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My liver just had a heart attack.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
