You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
