im about as happy as oj after his trial
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
