At least make sure they are 18
Why
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
