i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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