Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
