I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
