I wish my penis had an off switch
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
