Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
