why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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