why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
