why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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