the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
