I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
