The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
