Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
