My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
