Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
