All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
