Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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