I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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