Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
