My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
