Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dick very happy bro
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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