Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
