So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
