So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
