She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
