Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
