Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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