pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
