I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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