oh god the rape fog is back!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
