I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
