Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
