Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
