my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this boner is exhausting
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
