im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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