yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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