we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
