I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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