What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
