i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize