you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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