Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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