I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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