Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've blown a few things in my day
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
