What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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