I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
