Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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