I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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