I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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