I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
