that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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