i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
