I'm so fucking centered right now
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
