There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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