wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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