Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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