this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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