Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
