put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
