your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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