My cat gives me a boner
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
