You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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