I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
