Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
