You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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