You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
