i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
