She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
